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Funny (dirty) Joke: His Friend Suggested A Sex Certificate For His Wifes Birthday

So I found a few of these posts on Pinterest and all I could think of was teenage Stan and Bella (and occasionally Fidds and Ford but Ford is ace af so these wouldn't work for him) and I thought I'd post a bunch of them with Stan saying the joke and Bella reacting. So here ya go. Not canon.

BTW when Bella acts innocent with a joke, just know she fully knows what Stan means. She just likes fucking with him.

Just thought of this like halfway through writing this chapter: if you want a short story based on these lines leave a comment next to the line and I'll reply with a comment short story.


"You look nice, but you'd look even better in my bed."

"Great idea, let's watch movies!"


"Why would you pay for a bra when I could hold your boobs up all day for nothing?"

"Once you can figure out how to remove four pounds from my chest, feel free."


"Nice ankles, but I'd like them better if they were on my shoulders."

"Fuck that's actually good."


"You remind me of my big toe because I'm eventually going to bang you on a table."

"As long as you eat your dinner. 😉 Fuck that's dumb nevermind."


"You have a beautiful smile, but it would look better wrapped around my penis."

"Yours would look better between my legs."


"All those curves and me with no brakes."

"Yup, you're gonna fucking die. Or, more accurately, die fucking."


"Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?"

"I believe they've already met. Like a Fifty First Dates thing."


"The only thing I want between our relationship is latex."

"Please fuck me now that was awesome."


"The best part of me is covered up."

"You can't cover up your personality."


"You can call me Nemo, because I'm never afraid to touch the butt."

"But he touched it on a dare and to prove to his dad that he can do stuff on his own."


"They say that your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body. Wanna fight?"

"Leave me bruised, please."



"Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe."

"Oh my gosh."


Bella to Stan

"I'll show you my golden snitch if you show me your magic wand."

"Babe you know I don't read."



"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?"

"Yes, they do still exist. They're extinct, but they exist."


"I really like your shirt. It would look good on my floor."

"Jesus Christ that's good."


"Do you mind if I walk you home? My mom always told me to follow my dreams."

"When did you become such a gentleman?"


"Is your favorite subject math? Because you're pretty in every angle."

"Actually it's choir, because I'm good with my mouth."


"Can I get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?"

"I think I'd better prove that Satan exists, don't you think?"


"Life without you is like a broken pencil. Pointless."



"Guess what I'm wearing? The smile you gave me."

"Aw, I was right! It looks adorable on you!"


"If you were my homework, I'd slam you on the table and do you all night long."

"Stan you don't even do your homework."


"Hello there. My name is what you'll be screaming tonight."

"Sounds like fun. 😉"


"You're like a Sharpie- super fine."

"Idk man I don't smell that good.


"One two three four, I declare a tongue war."

"Loser buys ice cream."


"Kissing burns calories. You wanna workout?"

"I gotta change into my workout clothes first. 😉"


"You're so sexy you broke the scale."

"Shit that's good."


Ford to Fidds

"How's it feel being the cutest boy in the room?"

"What about yerself?"


"Baby did you fart? Because you blow me away."



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Top 25 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh Out Loud

What is she. Benjamin watched her go. - The bitch smells the dog, it is not known what is satisfied, sang, an elderly fireman. He broke the cork, poured the fragrant alcohol into the glasses.

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I just don't want to consider it a crime up to certain limits. No, I will not provoke, do not even think. Andrei expressively glanced over his sister's figure, lingering slightly on her chest.

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