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Funny (dirty) Joke: His Friend Suggested A Sex Certificate For His Wifes Birthday

So I found a few of these posts on Pinterest and all I could think of was teenage Stan and Bella (and occasionally Fidds and Ford but Ford is ace af so these wouldn't work for him) and I thought I'd post a bunch of them with Stan saying the joke and Bella reacting. So here ya go. Not canon.

BTW when Bella acts innocent with a joke, just know she fully knows what Stan means. She just likes fucking with him.

Just thought of this like halfway through writing this chapter: if you want a short story based on these lines leave a comment next to the line and I'll reply with a comment short story.

.

"You look nice, but you'd look even better in my bed."

"Great idea, let's watch movies!"

.

"Why would you pay for a bra when I could hold your boobs up all day for nothing?"

"Once you can figure out how to remove four pounds from my chest, feel free."

.

"Nice ankles, but I'd like them better if they were on my shoulders."

"Fuck that's actually good."

.

"You remind me of my big toe because I'm eventually going to bang you on a table."

"As long as you eat your dinner. 😉 Fuck that's dumb nevermind."

.

"You have a beautiful smile, but it would look better wrapped around my penis."

"Yours would look better between my legs."

.

"All those curves and me with no brakes."

"Yup, you're gonna fucking die. Or, more accurately, die fucking."

.

"Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?"

"I believe they've already met. Like a Fifty First Dates thing."

.

"The only thing I want between our relationship is latex."

"Please fuck me now that was awesome."

.

"The best part of me is covered up."

"You can't cover up your personality."

.

"You can call me Nemo, because I'm never afraid to touch the butt."

"But he touched it on a dare and to prove to his dad that he can do stuff on his own."

.

"They say that your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body. Wanna fight?"

"Leave me bruised, please."

.

K THIS IS THE ONLY ONE TOLD BY FIDDS TO FORD

"Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe."

"Oh my gosh."

.

Bella to Stan

"I'll show you my golden snitch if you show me your magic wand."

"Babe you know I don't read."

"iT'S A FUCKING MOVIE NOW."

.

"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?"

"Yes, they do still exist. They're extinct, but they exist."

.

"I really like your shirt. It would look good on my floor."

"Jesus Christ that's good."

.

"Do you mind if I walk you home? My mom always told me to follow my dreams."

"When did you become such a gentleman?"

.

"Is your favorite subject math? Because you're pretty in every angle."

"Actually it's choir, because I'm good with my mouth."

.

"Can I get your picture to prove to all my friends that angels really do exist?"

"I think I'd better prove that Satan exists, don't you think?"

.

"Life without you is like a broken pencil. Pointless."

"Mechanical."

.

"Guess what I'm wearing? The smile you gave me."

"Aw, I was right! It looks adorable on you!"

.

"If you were my homework, I'd slam you on the table and do you all night long."

"Stan you don't even do your homework."

.

"Hello there. My name is what you'll be screaming tonight."

"Sounds like fun. 😉"

.

"You're like a Sharpie- super fine."

"Idk man I don't smell that good.

.

"One two three four, I declare a tongue war."

"Loser buys ice cream."

.

"Kissing burns calories. You wanna workout?"

"I gotta change into my workout clothes first. 😉"

.

"You're so sexy you broke the scale."

"Shit that's good."

.

Ford to Fidds

"How's it feel being the cutest boy in the room?"

"What about yerself?"

.

"Baby did you fart? Because you blow me away."

"FOR FUCKING REAL? HA!"

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Top 25 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh Out Loud

What is she. Benjamin watched her go. - The bitch smells the dog, it is not known what is satisfied, sang, an elderly fireman. He broke the cork, poured the fragrant alcohol into the glasses.

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I just don't want to consider it a crime up to certain limits. No, I will not provoke, do not even think. Andrei expressively glanced over his sister's figure, lingering slightly on her chest.



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