7 Inconsiderate Things You're Doing To Your SO
Sometimes you're a giant jerk. We all are. Were human. But sometimes you're just minding your own business, doing you, and it turns out you're doing things you didn't even know were totally inconsiderate to your SO. It happens. But, like other times when we learn our behavior or interests are problematic, the first step in handling our scandal is owning it.
When I worked as a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator, I spoke with a lot of people who felt so much pent up anger and resentment about a life full of tiny annoyances. They didn't deal with them at the time, and it became kind of like death by a thousand paper cuts. Bringing up the ways you feel your partner is being inconsiderate doesn't have to be a huge fight that positions you as the bad guy. It can be as simple as saying "can you please not do that?"
And if you suspect you're the offender, but aren't quite sure what you're doing wrong, I'm here to offer a couple ideas that might help you pin down your obnoxious behavior. Because being in a relationship is about compromise, and sometimes that compromise means putting your dirty socks in the dang hamper when you take them off.
1. You Text All The Time
I know it's almost impossible to ignore the pull of the flashing blue light on your phone. I get it. But if your face is always in your phone when your partner is around, that's a recipe for making them feel ignored and unimportant. And while you're laughing at the funny picture your friend posted to your wall, your partner is feeling neglected. Sometimes, especially during dates and important conversations, you have to forget about your phone and focus on your partner. And even when you're just on the couch chilling, you still have to make an effort to be present.
2. You Don't Ask Them
Do you assume too much? For example, do you walk into the living room and turn on the TV without asking your partner what they want to watch? That's pretty inconsiderate, even if your partner seems pretty chill about it. Do you always chose the movie or the restaurant? Do you make plans that involve both of you without checking in first? That stuff is fine once in awhile, but even if your partner truly doesn't mind, it's still better, and nicer, to take their opinion into consideration once in awhile. Or always.
3. You Waste Their Time
Do you always show up late to things, or always make you both late because it took you too long to get ready? Do you mess around on the computer or the phone instead of getting ready? This is a move that's actually unhealthy passive aggressive behavior. It's a way of not admitting that you don't want to go somewhere or do something. It's also an inconsiderate waste of your partner's time. Don't make them wait!
4. You Do A Bad Job
What's more inconsiderate then half-assing something so your partner has to pick up your slack? Really? Don't do this. If you're responsible for a chore or task, and you know that as long as you show an effort, your partner will swoop in, it's just as bad as not doing it in the first place. Maybe worse. It's also an example of passive aggressive behavior.
5. You Let The Little Things Slide
You might be saying to yourself, "What's the big deal if I occasionally forget to put the toilet seat up or leave my clothes on the floor?" And you'd be right. It's not the end of the world. But your partner might be thinking "Why would you keep doing this when we've talked about how it bothers me?" If you do it enough, it's less about what you're doing and more about the fact that you're not being considerate of your partner's feelings.
6. You Disrespect Their Stuff
When you're done playing your partner's video games, do you leave the discs face down on the shelf or do you put them back in the case? When you borrow clothing, do you ruin it? Do you go in the refrigerator and eat food that says "I'm saving this, do not eat it or I will divorce you" on it? If so, that's totally inconsiderate. You might not think it's a big deal at the time, but what you're really saying is that you don't have any respect for your partner's belongings, which often translates to not having respect for their interest and feelings, too.
7. You Don't Notice Or Return Nice Gestures
If your partner is always giving you compliments, doing little things to make you feel loved, and thinking about you in many of the things they do (ie: buying you chocolate milk every time they're at the grocery store) and you never do the same, that could be the inconsiderate thing that is upsetting your partner. We all need to feel loved and valued. We also need to feel like our efforts are recognized. Plus it never hurts to feel special sometimes, too.
If you're a signal or multiple offender of things on this list, there's good news. These are all easy habits to change. Do it for love.
Images: janiecbros/E+/Getty Images; Giphy (7)
How To Deal With Inconsiderate People
In some cases, an apology to the person you are conversing with is in order, and will often serve to diffuse the confrontation so that you can handle the issue calmly and courteously.Dealing with Inconsiderate Co-Workers
Often, it is most difficult to deal with the inconsiderate behavior of a co-worker. While you may be able to choose who you spend your free time with, you don't get to choose who you work with. Some situations can be managed by simply grinning and bearing it, but what if that is not enough to keep the inconsiderate behavior at bay? Allbusiness.com offers ten tips for dealing with inconsiderate co-workers that includes making the first move toward a harmonious relationship. This should be done with the assumption that inconsiderate co-workers want to live happily ever after together as much as you do. This attitude will provide a positive groundwork to start from, and may be sufficient to nipping the annoying behavior in the bud. Allbusiness.com also advises employees to keep the confrontation as private as possible to preserve professionalism and prevent office gossip.Dealing with Inconsiderate FriendsIt is one thing to deal with inconsiderate men and women at the office and quite another to handle inconsiderate behavior on a more personal level. It might be the friend who is always a half hour late meeting you or the one who is constantly borrowing a few bucks without paying you back.
Look up a word, learn it forever.
Inconsiderate behavior is rude: it doesn't take into consideration the feelings of other people.
When you're considerate, you're polite and thoughtful. You consider other people's feelings. When you add the prefix -in (not) to considerate, you get its opposite. Not writing a thank-you note for a gift is inconsiderate. Not returning a phone call is inconsiderate. Not inviting a friend to a party is inconsiderate. Most inconsiderate behavior is also selfish.
Definitions of inconsiderate
adjectivelacking regard for the rights or feelings of others
“shockingly inconsiderate behavior”
see moresee less
- thoughtless, uncaring, unthinking
without care or thought for others
concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others
- tactless, untactful
lacking or showing a lack of what is fitting and considerate in dealing with others
showing lack of careful thought
showing concern for the rights and feelings of others
considerate of the feelings or well-being of others
having or showing a tender and considerate and helpful nature; used especially of persons and their behavior
disregarding your own advantages and welfare over those of others
having or showing a sense of what is fitting and considerate in dealing with others
- show more antonyms...
- thoughtless, uncaring, unthinking
adjectivewithout proper consideration or reflection
“slovenly inconsiderate reasoning”
showing lack of careful thought
Are you kind of a jerk? Don't worry, this is a safe place, you can be honest. There are a lot of inconsiderate people out there; people who don't think of anyone but themselves; people who walk through everyday life oblivious to the world and the people living in it. It's often the little considerations that keep us from going completely insane at the end of the day.
Think about all the times your day was brought to a screeching halt because you just could not get over that person who was so blatantly inconsiderate to you or even someone else around you. Oh, you can't think of an instance where that's happened to you? Congratulations, you're probably the person we're talking about.
It's time to play the part of the surrogate mother holding you painfully by your ear. This is for your own good.
Well, do you at least look behind you to see if someone needs the door held for them? Please, don't say you make the conscious decision to not hold the door for them. Listen, you don't have to act like holding the door is your job, but it's the thought that counts. Most people appreciate that you made the effort for them.
But you know the consideration doesn't stop at the door-holding end. If you notice someone holding the door for you, and you're close enough to oblige, you better walk through that damn door:
How dare you not recognize my kindness!
If there was a human being handbook given to all of us on the way out of the womb, surely "Eating And You" would be one of the essential chapters. This is Human Basics 101, guys. If we can't nail this down, then we'll never get a human to Mars. It probably takes more effort to open your mouth that wide than it does to relax your jaw a bit and chew like a regular person. Even if it didn't, we're talking minimal effort here, people. Minimal effort to avoid looking like you're Ms. Pac-Manning your way through dinner.
Waka waka waka waka waka waka...
What the hell is wrong with you? There are trash cans everywhere. EVERYWHERE. There is absolutely no excuse to slothfully drop your refuse on the ground, like the way a sleepy, intoxicated Jabba the Hutt discards his slave dancers. We only get one of these Earths, and we're struggling to keep it up as it is. Even on the Death Star they take (sorry, took) the time to compact their own litter. And they're surrounded by lightyears of empty space in which to dump it! Next time you entertain the idea of throwing garbage straight onto the ground, think: What if Luke Skywalker was watching?
Luke is utterly disgusted with you.
People still do this? What is your problem? Did you not see that everyone was forming a line? Nobody likes waiting in it, but you're not special. A line has three parts: the beginning, the middle and the end. Maybe you were confused by the language. See, where you "begin" is actually at the end. Yes, it's puzzling, but surely you knew not to start in the middle by cutting in front of a bunch of people. We hope.
Look, even ducks can do it.
No one wants to hear music -- your music, or any music -- blasted out of the tiny speakers of your phone. Or through your $300 Beats by Dre headphones. Just because you enjoy slowly eating away at the thin film membrane that is your ear drum, that doesn't mean the rest of us want to bear witness. This is how you come off to everyone else around you:
Kirk and Spock are not amused.
Reality TV popularized this trend. But on the teevee people use speaker phone so that the viewers at home can also hear the person on the other end of the call. Now everyone thinks they're part of the Kardashian family or that we want to hear their personal business broadcast in a Walgreens line. We really, really don't.
Oh. You're that person.
Obviously, we're talking a one-person bathroom here. Do you knock, or do you try to wrench the locked door open and barge your way through, because your bladder has taken control of your brain? Okay, you've got to pee, we get it. But you know who else has to pee? The person currently peeing, and maybe they're scared to death that you might actually get in and find them in a compromising position. So now you're just prolonging your wait in line because public restroom stage fright is a very real thing. It's called paruresis, and you're making it worse.
Heeeeeeeerrrrrreeee's Johnn---"SOMEONE'S IN HERE!"
It's really simple and people will completely appreciate it. It's also the law. Even if you're weaving through traffic, most people will still talk themselves down from a murderous rage by saying, "Well, at least they used their turn signal." You may think, "Well, I'm a good driver, I know what I'm doing." Terrific, well, we don't know what you're doing. So your options are 1) telepathically communicate your lane change to us, or 2) use your turn signal.
Look at the effort this guy puts into it!
Your turn signal work requirement is 1000 times less than this.
When the bus or train finally comes, do you give the people on board a chance to exit? Or do you just stand in front of the doors, or maybe even try to swim upstream like a deranged salmon heading for the promised land (which in this case is just a cold hard seat)? If you do either of the latter, what is your major malfunction? You're not making the situation move any faster. You see, there's a limited amount of room on that train, and it's already taken up by people. It's literally impossible for two humans to occupy the same space at once. That's just physics, or something.
Doesn't matter if you know the owner, electrons will not let you through.
If you have received bad service, you're completely within your right to tip your server less. Leaving no tip should be a rare and incredibly extreme circumstance -- we're talking the server telling your girlfriend she's got nice boobs and then calling you a wuss for ordering vegetables, or something. And if it was really so bad that you don't leave a tip, maybe you should speak to a manager, because that dude is really bad at his job. If you're constantly experiencing times when you think leaving little or no tip is acceptable though, then the problem might be you.
Everyone should work in the food service industry once in their life, to see firsthand what it's like. The worst thing you can do is punish a server for things they can't control. Or for not meeting your outlandish expectations. Awww poor you, is it super busy on a Friday night? Did somebody forget your sixth side order of bacon? Did somebody spill water over the side of your weird shaped glass while giving you a refill? Next time you consider leaving a bad tip, take out your phone and pull up this article. Now use it to calculate a decent tip.
Servers appreciate that you appreciate them, and they will remember.
Your animals should be treated like they're your children, for everyone's sake (perhaps especially the animal's). Ask yourself the following questions: Would you watch your child poop in the middle of a sidewalk and then ignore it? Would you let your child run wild, unsupervised, climbing all over perfect strangers? Would you let your child yell and scream throughout the day or night? Of course not, (but if you answered yes, we hereby revoke your privilege to have animals or children). Pick up your dog's poop. Teach it to behave, at least mildly well. You wanted a dog. Well, the poop and the barking come with it.
This is what a happy, symbiotic owner/pet relationship looks like when you clean up after your dog.
We're all guilty of this once in a while, and how people respond to it will vary from relationship to relationship. One thing is for sure, being late all the time will inevitably piss someone off. Some take it personally, or see it as a form of you establishing dominance. Even if neither of those is your intention, you can be sure that people will notice if you're the one they're constantly waiting on. What it comes down to is your word. If you say you will be at a certain place at a certain time, then that's when should aim to be there by. If you make the effort and get held up and are a few minutes late, they'll understand. If it's obvious that you didn't really care about punctuality in the first place, they'll notice. And if you need help, check out this post.
The thing is, when you've screwed up and know you're late, you'll try to overcompensate, then fail to use your turn signal (see #8). It'll just end poorly:
I'M LATE I'M LATE I'M LATE I'M LATE I'M LATE I'M LATE---
This is a particularly disturbing trend. An altercation or incident takes place in front of you and someone needs help. Rather than stepping in to help, some people ignore it or pull out their phones to record it so they can show it off on social media. Talk about a complete disconnect from reality.
A study by Intel last month showed that the majority of millennials believe technology causes dehumanization in society. With many people communicating only through only text or sitting on the computer all day and night, they're finding it difficult to connect with other humans because they spend the majority of their day not really connected with humans at all. So, while life plays out before their eyes, they're watching it happen on their screens, or missing it all together! Your brand new iPhone camera can have as many megapixels as it wants, but nothing is more high-resolution than your own damn eyes.
"Here's me interacting with a real human being!"
Just remember, these are everyday behaviors that you should consider not to be rewarded or praised by others, but because being considerate of other human beings is the right thing to do, plain and simple. You know it, and acting like it will make you feel better about yourself. Now, go clean up your dog's poop.
Behavior examples inconsiderate
My wife and I often have lunch at different food centres, and have observed enough instances of inconsiderate behaviour to share Mr Ho San Cheow's view that the real problem is our inconsiderate culture ('Choping' more seats than needed is the real problem, June 14).
Recently, we sat next to a table for four that was occupied by only one person. We counted at least six people come by to ask if they could use the three vacant seats, only to be refused. By the time we left, 40 minutes later, the table still had only one occupant.
We also observed a young couple taking up a table for four, placing their backpacks on the two unused seats. Similarly, it is common to see one person occupy a table for two with the empty seat used to hold the diner's purchases.
Such instances of selfish behaviour are not limited to food centres.
The Land Transport Authority has seized personal mobility devices for offences such as not complying with regulations and riding on the wrong paths (Nearly 130 PMDs seized in May for flouting rules, June 11).
And Housing Board residents are inconveniencing their neighbours with corridor clutter ('Clutter culprits' a bane to their neighbours, June 17).
It seems inconsiderate culture has taken root and is flourishing.
Since when have we become a "me first" community?
Shouldn't we do something about it?
Cheng Lian Seah
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What about him. I asked. - He wants you, Olenka answers with a smile.